Oh man...
August 24 2002 at 9:05 PM
Forum Owner

I was gonna write an essay, but now I've had a few drinks, I'm thinking fuck it, I'll go watch some porn on Channel 4 instead..

I love being a lazy cunt. Ahh, just the other night I was round my friends smoking ganga, I came home, ma says "So you found a job yet?", "Oh shit ma, you know how hard I been looking! why you even gotta ask?".
Hell I love life on the dole, you know how some countries have people serve in the army for 2 years..they should do that with dole over here man, you do your two years service being a bum. You have to be fucking resourceful to survive on the dole man, I kid you not. You're sitting there sweating, sweating your nuts off, the advisor is tapping words into her database, "Well there's a job here, lets see, you got an NVQ in IT, check, not been out of work longer than 6 months, check, immediate area, check, so you want to apply?" I mean, how do you get out of that? One whiff that you're bullshitting, and they put you up for review, I mean, if you don't go for the job, you gotta have a reason, a GENUINE reason why you are unable too, and it's not like you can say you're sick or something when you're sitting in front of her.
Resourcefulness man. Charm too. The better you're mates with the dole advisor, the more she's likely to let you ride the gravy train.
Same with bank managers man, I go tell some dude I lost my VISA card the other day and he notices on my forms it says I studied Jap, so we start chatting about it, and hey, guess what he's AAA, before I know it he's saying "You know you were saying you're broke? well I'll raise your overdraft by 300, hows that?" Fucking A. Of course he said, I still need to be a student. "Yeah I'm still a student" I lied. They're gonna come for me man, but I aint got no money anyway, so what they gonna take, my beers?
Telling you man, I found a loophole. If you want to have up to 5000, 1000 of it free and the rest only payable by %8 per year, all you gotta do is become a student. You go along, enrol, get your first grant cheque, and that's it, you dont have to turn up for the rest of the year. You go along to the bank with your student card and papers, and pay in your first student grant, register for your classes and maybe go to some exams end of year,and that's it, 4 years practically interest free cash, and you never have to go to that Uni for more than a week. How sweet is that?

Anyone else know any nice loopholes?

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