not a shitty day, but certainly a fuck up
May 14 2001 at 12:51 PM

hey everyone,

long time reader, first time poster (you know how it is). anyway i thought i would share with you a stupidly embarassing story about me here in tokyo (i moved here a couple of months ago for work by the way). By the way, kris you should be an ambassador dude, reading your pages would totally make me want to move to japan (if i wasn't here already).

Ok on with the story, so one fine saturday evening i went with a few mates from work, we started off pretty relaxed, dinner at the outback steakhouse in shinagawa. we all had a hankering for a steak and several of those ridiculously over-sized litre mugs of beer. At around midnight they closed up so seeing that we were 1. in japan 2. drunk 3. foreign, there was really only one choice, Roppongi! We weren't sure where to go, but i had heard of some club "gas panic" from some mates who used to live in tokyo so we thought we would check it out. Now i am assuming you are all familiar with gaspanic, if not then well you should be (if you like hot asian chicks anyway). So anyway we jumped in the too-small elevator and went up to the club. Now I won't bore you all with a description of gaspanic here, but suffice to say that on a busy night i have never seen anything like it. it is like out of a video clip, everyone is drunk off their asses(they have signs everywhere saying the you must be drinking to remain in the club), people are going crazy to the music and there a heaps of babes dancing on the bar. That is one of the many cool things about japan, there isn't the whole self-conciousness thing so people are just going OFF! and these chicks on the bar generally dance ten times sexier than anything i have seen back home (maybe because they are ten times hotter than the girls back home, i dunno) so anyway speaking of dancing on the bar, there was this one girl dancing and oh my god i am not exaggerating when i tell you she is the best dancer i have ever seen in my life, and that includes on tv, in strip clubs, movies whatever, she was the best. and she also happened to be insanely hot as well, long black hair (being asian that was not entirely unexpected), about 5`11 tall, slim, perfect rack (she was one of those girls who you are like, they must be fake, but you know they're not), perfect skin, gorgeous face, etc. etc. basically this was one of the finest girls i have ever seen, who also happened to be the best dancer i have ever seen, bar none. one of her crazy dance moves was to grab her foot and basically put it next to her head, yeah that's some flexibility, man you should have seen it, every single guy in the club was staring at her amazed at her sheer hotness (is that a word?), i know all my mates (and me) were.

so ok not too much embarassing stuff yet i hear you say, well let's get on to that shall we. now i am pretty tall, about 6`6 so i kind of stand out in japan, now this honey must have noticed me. it was weird, i was just watching her dance in wide-eyed amazement and must have absent mindedly scratched my face or something, then she did exactly the same thing kind of mimicing me or something. i was like, what? did i just see that? so i ran my hand through my hair, she did the same, staring at me the whole time. so i did whole huh? me? pointing thing, and she mouthed "yeah you" and did the come over here hand signal thing (not the wacky japanese waving one, for those who know what i mean). so i start to wander over there, my mates are like what the FUCK!!?! so yeah it was pretty sweet. now normally i am gq smooth talking to girls, but with this girl i went to jelly, my mouth was dry, i couldn't string two fucking word together. she started by introducing herself, it turned out she was chinese and a professional ballerina (hence the whole leg thing) she also had the hottest british accent (which made me fall apart even more), i don't really remember if i even got my name out, but i did tell her that she was an amazing dancer and she was like "yeah, this is so different to work, i can just relax and do whatever up on the bar". so anyway she kept trying to make small talk (where are you from, how long have you been in tokyo, blah blah blah) but i was so fucking retarded that i could even talk. i am serious i was in shock that this amazing goddess was even talking to me, so anyway i guess she got sick of talking to rain man so she gave me a quick hug and said see you and wished me a good time in tokyo. so i wander back to my mates, in a state of shock at how i had completely fucked up with the hottest girl i have ever seen in my life ever. my mates are like "what did she say?", "did you tell her i want to marry her?", etc., etc.

so anyway i was so distressed at my total and utter boneheadedness i suggested we go back up to the other floor and just hang out, i couldn't take watching this babe dance knowing that she was keen and i had screwed it up so badly. so anyway we grab another round and what do you know? 5 minutes later she comes storming up the stairs towards the elevator to leave the club looking all pissed off. i thought, fuck it, i don't care if she thinks i'm a stalker i have to talk to her again. so i literally run after her, but miss the elevator, so i had to wait and grab the next one. so i jump in and get down to street level, now i don't know if you know roppongi but on a saturday night it is a fucking zoo, people everywhere. so i start looking intently for her (ok here's the embarassing, primo fuckup of the night), so intent was i looking that she sees me and actually comes up behind me and says hi (you know give me another chance to prove that i'm not some kind of monosyllabic fucking retard) and so intent was i in looking for her i didn't actually realise she was there until she had stormed off, jumped into a cab, slammed the door and driven off, shooting about a million dirty looks at me. FUCK!!!

yes that's right i am LORD OF THE IDIOTS!!!!!!!!

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