Lies and Ketais...
May 8 2002 at 8:27 PM

Two things gaijin cant live in Japan without. If I ever write an essay that will undoubtably be the title.

My questions is: What are some of the funniest lies you have told Japanese girls for whatever reason?

1. One of my great nampa partners was a kokujin from NY and I would always put him on the spot by telling ladies he was a freestyle rapper. I would ask him to spit a few lyrics for them and they would get all excited. Unfortunately he couldn't bust at all, but it was funny just how ready they were to believe it.

2. Me and my friend would going around introducing ourselves as professional male models, Sparkles and Sapphire. (Oscar if you can pull that reference I will no longer believe you are Japanese) The girls would get all giddy and we would do push-ups or cartwheels for them to demonstrate our fitness. Fair warning to all you YD's writing this down as a POWER MOVE, it never got us any play, just a good laugh.

3. One day me and my J-girl had been arguing for a little while and she tried to patch things up by going down on me. I was still angry enough to force her less than talented ass to finish the job instead of moving on to other simpler ways. Finally she did finish but when she came up I realized that she spilled some of the holy seed onto my stomach. I was in a vengeful mood so I yelled at her. "First we argue about "whatever" and now you insult me by spitting my seishi". I acted infuriated. She was shocked but wasn't quite sure of the problem and I didn't tell her yet... she just lowered her head and said "gomenasai Paru... I am sorry" I let her sit in the corner to think about it a while while I slept.

Later on I was feeling better and I told her that I was sorry that I reacted that way and she didn't know any better, so it wasn't her fault. "You see in the West to spit out someones cum or even spill a drop for that matter is the ultimate insult to a guy. It is like spitting in their face, and I kind of forgot in my rage that you probably didn't mean it like that. I am really sorry baby, but even though you are Japanese you can understand how I would be upset right?"

"Yes, I understand... I am really sorry"

"Okay baby, its no problem, just never let it happen again okay?"

"Okay Paru, I understand.... but what should I do? Japanese say that Gaijin no seishi is cho oi."

"You have to swallow it, every bit, or else it is disrespectful. Baby you know that I am so amai but if you ran into a more traditional Westerner you would be in big trouble you know that right?"

"Yes... I see, I will swallow it all."

So the moral of the story? Well there has been a lot of talk about baka Gaijin making bad impressions on Japanese and reinforcing negative stereotypes. Well Kawama, I finally paved a good road for Gaijin to follow. It is only a small step but maybe she told a friend or two and they did too and we will have a butterfly effect of Japanese girls who would rather die than spill a drop of that sacred Western semen.


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