I bathed in it
June 2 2001 at 3:30 PM

Response to Excuse my ignorance

To make a long story short (which seems to be the problem with my writing these days, as Kawama pointed out) I am in the low part of the cycle in sef-confidence. A low tide, so to speak, of the stuff that makes the man. As I recounted in my whine entitled "Near Zero" (a story from my last low tide a couple of years ago) I feel a need to drive myself. This time I am doing so by over working myself in the lab. (You remember I already crashed my car from lack of sleep a few months ago) I anesthetize my rats with ether when I operate on them and I've been exposing myself to ether a little more than the safety limit. Last night it finally did the job and I passed out in the hallway at 1am when there was no one to come to the rescue. My cell phone was in the other room and my assitant had long since left. Luckily, I was far enough away from the source of the fumes to regain consciousness and crawl away. I have this insane belief that I can take anything. Even twenty hours of non-stop surgery in a ether filled and poorly ventilated room. Maybe it is time to rethink this attitude. I don't know. I can't help feeling that what I need is more attitude, not less. Especially in this time of low tide.

I'd like to thank Eli and Magicpants for their acceptance of my recent hack job of an essay. I do have regrets about the quality of the writing but I have no apologies for the subject matter.


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