kataomoi ka...zannen...korekara gambare!
August 22 2000 at 11:17 PM

Response to :-(

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. Caring for someone is no laughing matter. Only a certifiable cretin would laugh at you for trying.

If it's any consolation, I was in your shoes, almost exactly. Except in my case, my girl claimed she had a boyfriend, and as it turned out she did, technically. But there was probably more to it. I wasn't exactly Mr. Cool back then, either, and probably came on a bit too strong too early. But I pulled myself together, recognized her as an "honest" person who actually had morals and was interesting, so we became friends...real friends.

While still somewhat physically attracted to her, she lost a lot of her mystique when my solicitations were rejected. She subsequently became more of a "friend", and this went on nicely for years. Then things got wierd.

As far as things "turning wierd" for you, that'll depend partially on how you act. it will also depend on what she's thinking, and what form your future relationship takes.

If you can handle being rejected and hang around her as a genuine friend, anything is possible. I mean anything at all. Good and bad.

There's a chance you'll drift apart. This is probably the most likely scenario, long-term, and probably for the best. I know you don't want to hear this now, but it's true. There are lots of charming ladies over there, if you plan on returning. I mean lots. Lots and lots and lots, all just dying to meet you. There are also lots of nutcases. But no more than in the U.S., if that's where you're from. Between the two there are lots of cute party girl types, spoiled rich girls and other lesser breeds that all merit a second look and a high hard one. But eventually, when you least expect it, Ms. Perfect comes in and ruins everything being so perfect you can't go on without her.

There's a chance your friendgirl come to realize she really does "need" you in relatively short order...a month or two, maybe half a year. This is also fairly probably. Women are nuts, after all, even when they're not insane. Thinking about a male friend "as a man" is sometimes repressed, and it takes some doing and the passage of time to coax it out. It may well take a while for her to realize what a swell dude you really are. This is where playing it cool, not fronting friendship but actually being a friend can help you out tremendously. This also carries great risk -- see below.

There's a chance your relationship will grow into a genuine platonic friendship and you'll be each other's confidants. This is the least likely scenario. The temptation to "try again" is always there, and the sexual tension that both parties may have, yet fear to display out of concern for the now "platonic" friendship, can be incredibly distracting. It's also uncomfortable to know you've been visually felt-up be someone who was once your love interest and is now your platonic "friend." Future girlfriends, especially future Japanese girlfriends, if any, will feel threatened by this sort of friendship, and you'll have to make a choice at some point. It sucks, but I've had it happen to me and have seen it happen lots of times to friends of mine. Be advised.

Along the same lines as the previous one, there is the possibility that she'll kiipu suru you until some unspecified point in the future. This is also a very likely scenario. Don't listen when people tell you Japanese girls are naieve and innocent; smack his forehead, you'll hear a resounding echo. This is precisely what happened to me, in the form of a platonic friendship, and I would advise extreme caution.

Despite the fact that "Mami" and I were platonic friends for several years after I told her I was very attracted to her, when it became clear to her that I was going to marry someone else, she went absolutely apeshit and started sending my fiance nasty anonymous letters...really mean, crude, psycho stuff more or less implying that my fiance was a 'gaijin nanpa onna' and that I should be 'returned' at once.

All of this...out of fucking left field! Nasty letters, probing phone calls...and all I did was say we were getting married.

I would not have believed it, and still would not consiously be able to accept that she did it, if it weren't for incontrovertable evidence proving she did it that we obtained using the "services" of one of those private agencies that college the dirt on potential future mates. You know what I mean...background checker services. We had them probe into a few areas (probably against U.S. privacy laws). Based on a few samples taken off of items the agency people saw Mami touch, we were able to match fingerprints on several of the nasty letter and envelopes -- independent of any agency. After all, we only provided photocopies of the letters.

I was shocked.

I do not expect her bahavior is typical, but other stories from half a dozen friends and stories on this forum have confirmed my belief that Japanese girls can be extremely posessive.

This is not to dissuade you in the least from pursuing whatever relationship with this girl that suits you...the chances that she is wound so tight that she might crack is pretty slim. But I would never have assumed Mami to be capable of anything even remotely close to the stunt she pulled with my then-fiance.

People surprise you. Every day. People you thought you knew for years, people you thought you knew well are capable of some seriously wacked-out shit, that's for damn sure.

Keep in touch, No Name...



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