it's ok to ask...
August 1 2001 at 1:34 AM

Response to Bruce, do you mind if I ask...

I don't know exactly what I want... I probably don't even have a plan... And, yeah, I suppose I'm lurching from crisis to crisis… But please don't dare suggest this is a garden-variety situation I am in here! I defy you to tell me you could handle my dilemna any better.. No way!

Yes, I will soon have to obtain some certainty by making a choice but (highly likely) I will probably live to regret whatever I do. Leave the GF and never recapture similar intensity, never achieve the same rapport, with someone else... stay and endure the stifling obsessive, proprietal control she seeks to constantly exert over my everyday life. On balance I will probably be choosing the former because (rational mind working here) she is probably the best of a number of imperfect alternatives.

There are too many issues to tackle but I'll try 1 or 2...

My recent bout of philandering was an aberration, something I doubt I'll ever repeat. Yet it was something I'm glad to admit was planned and executed in a reasoned and calculated manner. The extent I went to engineer it and avoid detection, whilst something I regret, was necessary. Immediately before embarking on my adventure the ecstacy of being the subject of another human's obsessive infatuation was starting to wear thin and, frankly, was getting to feel massively suffocating.

My experience with the GF has changed my world view. I was fast immersed in a culture and society I previously knew little about and now have come to love (though I am not oblivious to the bad side). Being a libidinous 'alpha male' my problem is that I also had my perceptions of the feminine ideal overhauled to the point where I now actually want my future partner/s to be Japanese and live the rest of my life semi-immersed in her society and culture.

I suppose I am actually am a pretender to AAA membership. I don't particularly prefer Asian women over western women. But with so many Japanese females- even some you might not even consider to be "conventionally" attractive- I do have a distinct and very powerful, preference. FYI I am an Italian- Australian raised in Singapore and HK. For some strange reason I don't have any preference whatsoever for Asian women, save Japanese. I will frequently concede that a particular non-Japanese Asian women might be very attractive but she generally will not provoke a skerrick of further interest in me. I have a hypothesis on why I (and I suspect other contributors to this forum) feel this way but I won't bore you with the details here.

What am I getting at? Well, my recent adventure/s were calculated to do a lot of things. First, to give me a cathartic bout of freedom after being locked-in such an emotionally intense r/ship for so long. Secondly, and linked to the previous reason, I admit I wanted the experience of variety of intimatcy/interchange with an alternative partner/s (experiences which generally proved unfulfilling). Next, and perhaps the most important reason, I wanted to "benchmark" other women against the GF to validate my suspicions that the GF might indeed be a rare gem. I won't continue to catalogue my reasons but please believe me there is some rational basis to what appears at first blush to be madness.. (ok- 45% rational basis, 55% dopey whim) Suffice to say, I am suddenly back to square one and still confused as ever, BUT now with the added complication of having won the attention of another woman (who I met in Hakodate). I was hoping a covert correspondence exchange with this second women would quickly reveal that there was no future between us but I remain unsure. Worse still, she is sure that we should be an item because I now suspect she is starting to obsess about me.

One more thing I'd like to mention- until 2 years ago, I had lived a the typical life profile of your average suburban yuppie – everything measured and mapped out - when suddenly my world gets tipped on its ear in a weird, exciting and wholly unpredictable way. I am now merely at a fork in the road. I may have mishandled a few things but, hey, I am human.

I am about to make a few decisive decisions. Not tomorrow, but certainly in the next few weeks. I really appreciate the opportunity to spill my guts and get some frank and honest feedback. Kawama, I hear what you say and some of it resonates, but I hope you not going to tell me you'd necessarily know any better how to handle the situation I am in. My ambivilence about my current r/ship would have to be the worst type imaginable. The GF really is in many ways an amazing and unique woman but she is also so suffocatingly intense I wonder whether I am equipped to maintain a long-term r/ship and remain sane myself.

BTW, other readers wanting to know about how "submissive" J-girls are- read this and other posts. I hope some of this conveys some awareness how naive and superficial such questions are!


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