Bruce, do you mind if I ask...
July 31 2001 at 6:18 PM

Response to Earlier mention of "freakazoids"..

...just what it is, precisely, that you want?

The synopsis as I see it:

You were married, you strayed. Unlike Oscar and other philanderers, you somehow permitted your marraige to die. You hooked up with your fling, ("...I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...") and she moved in with you. At what seems like your first opportunity, you spent inordinate time planning a series of flings while this trusting stalker supposedly hadn't a clue what you were really up to. Now, you claim that if it weren't for the fact that you suspect she's a psycho who will emasculate or murder you if you betray her openly, you'd be perfectly happy. You theorize an ideal, whether you believe it or not, which is nothing more than a series of wacky year-long revolving door type relationships with additional jgirls.

I guess I must disagree with your belief that you are capable of being perfectly happy (or, as you put it, "wouldn't want to leave") with a woman you lie to and cheat doesn't seem that way at all. "Not wanting to leave" someone is not the same as being happy with someone, and being happy ith someone is really the only way to have a decent relationship. Wanting more from your mate is natural...either for his/her own good, or for your selfish satisfaction. And then there are the Oscars of the world, who for their own reasons live two lives or keep mistresses. Oscar even thinks his own wife would do something nasty to him if she ever "found out" about his funny business, but I don't think he would consider that stalking. I guess what I am trying, poorly, to say is that you don't fit. You seem wholly incapable of either settling for hat you have, loving her for who she is, or doing that while shamelessly and vigorously pursuing meaningless festivities on the side. You are different. You obsess, fret, and seem to be constantly searching. Unable to settle. Midlife crisis, neurosis, whatever. But that's the feeling I get when I read your stuff. On the edge, wheels in your head turning so fast the tires up there are balding along with your hairline.

I am trying, very hard I might add, to really be open-minded and non-judgemental, but I simply fail to understand what it is you want from your love life. You seem to be either deliberately sabotaging, second-guessing, excuse-hunting, or finding yourself unsatisfied with pretty much whatever situation you find yourself in. Maybe I am being extreme, but like I said a month or so ago, I detect a pattern of sorts here. What exactly is your game plan??

As far as stalkers and freakazoids go, I am of the opinion that gaijin guys encounter a disproportionate number of stalkers and freakazoids, as compared to the general population of jguys. the reason for this is simple, and is cross cucltural -- most normal women of a culture tend to go for normal guys of their own culture. That's just how it works. There is generally something unique and different about jgirls who specifically choose to go for gaijin guys, just as there is often something unique and different about AAA-only men. this is what the Asian girls in the U.S. (as spoken of in the other thread) are afraid of. Clearly not all jgirls who go for gaijin guys are nuts or freaks, not even a majority, but many are. I've had personal experiences, lord knows Kris has and others. It's something to be aware of.

Anyway, my point is more of a question than anything else. You seem to be your own worst enemy, Bruce. Crying jags and suicide "threats" don't necessarily mean anything bad, but just the same they're absolutely not a good sign. You need to figure out what the hell you are doing with this chick, and exactly what you want so you don't get bamboozled again supposing you dump her and escape with your manhood intact. To thine own self be true.


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