My two cents
August 21 2000 at 9:59 AM

Response to Late late late...

Hey there Mr. Anonymous,

Thanks for the reply. I'll re-read and re-reply if necessary, but I have an initial gut reaction that I think you need to seriously consider. Act quickly and decisively.

My wife suggested a romantic dinner, and I must concur. Do it this weekend, no ifs ands or buts about it. My wife was very insistant on this point. my wife is kiga tsuyoi too...but I think that's fairly common in Japanese women, once you've breeched the tatemae, which you apparently have. Good sign. Anyway, after we read your reply she was very confident in your situation, provided you do not needlessly fritter away the time. Men who lead are generally preferred over men who wait to be approached, in Japan. Your girl probably understands your stress, and is being patient with you because my guess is you're a pretty fun, nice guy. But, christ dude, LEGS? Massages? If you wait any longer, that would be bordering on the obtuse. If you keep on acting the way you have, you're gonne keep on getting what you've gotten. It's time for a dramatic 180 degree change of course, methinks.

My contribution to your cause is this advice: While she's working, go buy her a cheap ring...5000-8000 yen, something disposable (in case it doesn't work out) but something nice enough that doesn't look like you won it at a game center.

Take this girl out for a nice dinner, I recommend Masahiko Kobe's (you know, "Iron Chef Italian") new place, Ristorante's in Western Tokyo, where I presume you are. Iron chef class food, and a full course for 4000 yen/each. Cheap, as I am sure you will concur. A romantic dinner for ichiman plus. Order the daily special (the menu changes every day) and grab a "hearty gulping wine." Drink up, dude. Get her a wee bit tipsy, and get yourself sloshed a bit, too. On the walk, be a man and confess your feelings for her, and tell her whatever you feel. But keep it simple. A manly, straightforward "tsukiatte kure" will work wonders, trust me. If she says OK give her the ring so she'll remember you when you go back. It's sappy and cheezy, but it works. I know what I'm talking about.

The real issue will have been decided before you two go anywhere together. Like all battles, they're won or lost before the actual fighting begins; a good lawyer never asks a question that he doesn't know the answer to. I mean, your problems are basically solved if she agrees to go anywhere with you...together, at night, for dinner, your treat...I mean, it's not exactly a secret at that point, and if she accepts, that's a fairly good indicator of what her repsonse will be to 'tsukiatte kure'.

The first rule of early relationships, to me at least, is that if you "think" you're getting "signals," then you're getting signals. If you "think" the other person "probably" likes you, then they probably do. You're not as bad at "working out" how someone feels, in my opinion; what you obviously have is a confidence problem compoundingt he fact that you view this girl as a lot more than a piece of ass. I respect that a lot, and was in a similar situation about seven years ago. Just throw caution to the've waited long enough. Someone's gotta kick your ass a little bit, might was well be me. Get the lead out. This girl is special...they all are...but if the worst thing that could happen to you is that you lose her friendship, consider yourself lucky. If you fritter away the days and make her feel you're a gutless wonder, you may have lost a chance at being with this girl...a fate I'd not wish to befall you. Whatever happens, confessing your feelings in a direct and manly way will be tremendously helpful for you, whether or not you get with her. Keeping open an escape route is part of the dinner atmosphere...if she says no, blame the wine (standard Japanese evasive tactic). If she says no, don't show her the ring. But if she says yes, don't need my advice after that.

To paraphrase Sun Tzu:

"While care and caution are more virtuous than rash decisions, cleverness has never been associated with long delays."

Kawama awaiting news of your success...


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